do you believe in love?

sometimes I am surprised that I do. I never saw healthy relationships growing up, whether it be marriage between my parents and grandparents, or extended family dynamics.

the truth is, I really am a hopeless romantic. I believe in the kind of love that feels like you found your twin flame. I believe I’ve felt it before. I just didn’t know how to fight for it, how to water that garden. it’s been over a year since I lost that love. I don’t understand how sometimes it still feels like its growing. how can something we stomped on still be poking up out the ground like tulips in the spring. I often wonder if you feel it as well. if you can feel the regret, the anger. if you can feel my understanding, my grace, my love.

if I could talk to you would now I would tell you that I’ve heard about the things that you have said. and they surprise me. I would ask why it is that you are so angry so late. I would ask you why you could never be honest with me. I would ask you why we were such cowards. I would ask you about the person you are becoming. I would ask if you could see how we hurt each other in the same ways. I would tell you the story of how I came to be here. I would ask you what it is you thought of all these writings. I would tell you that I have changed. I would tell you that the clearer my head gets the more certain I am. I would say it breaks my heart that you don’t believe me.