love letters

for a dear friend I have missed-

I have thought of you often over the years. I don’t regret not having reached out before, as I believe we are meant for this moment. we were hurting for so long, I am happy that it feels as though we are still so connected. I love you.

for the boy I loved-

I am sorry for who I was and the ways I could not change. thank you for loving me so deeply, I am sorry I could not accept it. you carried my pain for me and loved me more than I loved myself. I will carry all of that love and all of that loss in a beautiful way forever. I pray for you. I hope that you find peace and forgive us.

for my sisters-

I am sorry for the countless ways which you have been failed. I am sorry for how many years you felt unloved. I love you all so deeply and am happy to know how much we are all growing. our family has never been this happy before.

for myself-

in my journal I have been writing that I love myself. I mean it this time, it doesn’t make me feel weird or awkward. you are on the right path and trusting in the plan He has for you.

for whomever God has chosen for me-

I don’t know where you are or who you are, but I don’t mind. I am growing in ways I never thought possible. I feel myself at the edge of girlhood. this year I become a woman, the woman you will love. I am focusing on how to be the person that I have been all along. I am thankful you might never know who I was. I look forward to our future, though I hope it is not for quite some time.

from Feb 14, 2023